I don't understand why things have degenerated to this point.
I never foresaw this in my younger years--me looking into such a hopeless abyss.
I am praying within myself to find the strength and hope to persevere, yet, sometimes I wonder what the merit in that is?
Yes I am lazy, half-assed and completely disorganized. Yes, I have never truly let go of my own fears enough to really love anyone else unconditionally, without question.
Again I am searching for answers. Because of guilt I stay, and because of resentment my bitterness turns into something akin to hate.
I wish it weren't so, but the truth hurts at times, actually most of the time.
I am hypocritical, to an extent: I can't stand people who are completely contrived and yet in this world we all are contrived, to an extent.
I don't like how people fall for the simple shit, yet try to make everything complex, and forget other simple pleasures that make life magnificent.
It's this complex simple pleasure I yearn, yet at this point no one has any energy left to even care.
It's hard to find hope in a land of superficial zombies, people are so immersed in themselves that they would put Narcissus to shame, and what have I become but a superficial zombie immersed in myself?
I can't really laugh or cry anymore, there is no real emotion left, I cant think or care, there is nothing real enough yet.
Over pride, embarrassment and probably a fair amount of brain plasticity and acclimation I imagine jooking throats with sharp blades and if I could figure out how to get away with it, I probably would of shot someone, at least in the foot.
I sleep with women I don't care about. Faster the nut quicker the fuck, quicker they get lost in the past, you served your duty, so goodbye, anyway you wanted it too, right?
My city is a ghost of it's past, now run by hipsters, police/government, and let us not forget the wall street pricks, the suits-n-ties.
I am sick. Sick of this, in pain physically, emotionally, mentally and can I even say spiritually?...when I feel spiritually so dead.
Point is that I still haven't abandoned hope for tomorrow and I still live for the day, but I need a change. I welcome it. I will embrace and make it work for me.
Let's bring it back.I will work on me, but I need my friends, family and people on the same plane as me to link up and help get this realized...without faith and true devotion to our beliefs we will become just that...nothing.